the ‘goodbye look’

It’s one despedida after another. Tonight will be my fourth straight one, and I don’t how many more before I leave for OZ.

The house is again a mess. Even if the movers have taken what will go to Sydney, we are all taking a second look at what we may still want to bring. Ang hirap mag-relocate.

Everywhere I go, everyone I see or look at seems to stand still but vividly shimmering before my eyes. They probably seem like that since I am giving them one last glance, the ‘goodbye look’.

Bills, papers, accounts, legal stuff are all being dealt with and finalized. This is what happens when one phase of life ends and another begins. Or at least this is how it should be if one has the luxury of being able to plan life’s transitions. I think of what it is like for other people of more humble backgrounds who are suddenly tossed in a sea of change—people victimized by tragedy, calamity who suddenly find themselves in refugee centers, school houses, churches, or relatives’ homes in place of their familiar abodes. Nakakataranta siguro. I wonder also what it was like for the Marcoses 20 years ago when they fled with hurriedly packed boxes of unsorted loot. Nagalsabalutan, as we say in Tagalog.

Precious forever

I saw old friends from ABS-CBN who gave Lydia and I a farewell party. It was great reconnecting with Agot Isidro, Melissa De Leon, Amy Perez, Bing Loyzaga, and then rest of the staff of the noontime show Salinggonaposila which we used to host. We met at Lena’s at Esquinita, a nice dive near Channel 2. It was great to see writers, production people, fellow talents. As expected, we talked about old times and where we are at this point in our lives. Everyone seemed to be excited and genuinely happy to see each other. We missed those who were not there, and some of our old staff memenrs who had the misfortune of being assigned (and now are being charged) to the ill-fated Wowowee show. It will be sometime before I see them again. Who knows what the circumstances will be by then?

Me, Rico Puno, and Jet Montelibano of Music and Magic. Where did time go?


Upstart Martin Nievera, Ric Segreto on bass, Rico Puno and myself. Them were the days!!

Girlie Rodis, a friend from olden days and till now sent me pictures of myself and some showbiz friends taken more than 20 years ago when life seemed simpler due to youth. (Or maybe, I should say ‘when life seemed more complicated because of youth’ ha ha). Old friends are so precious to have.

‘Tunay kang tao’


Tunay kang tao!

Rustom’s ‘coming out’ announcement on the TV hit Pinoy Big Brother, though not exactly news was quite stunning since it clearly took a lot of guts to FINALLY come to terms with being who he is. The great story of redemption there is, in admitting he was gay (equate that with ‘flawed’ in the eyes of the righteous) he came out as a courageous and true human being. Thanks to Keanna Reeves who was there and somehow coaxed it out of him. Saludo ako sa’yo, Rustom!

I was talking to my group of friends who are steeped into politics and I was suggesting that if we could somehow make Keanna Reeves a part of GMA’s cabinet, could she get the President to finally admit to cheating also? If only life were like that. It should diffuse the political tension finally!

‘sleep of the tongue’

Just gave my last 2 talks today for a call center yesterday The first one was at 11 this morning. The audience of around 30 people made up of twenty- somethings were at the end of their shift. I was just a little nervous that they would be too tired to listen to a talk on leadership for an hour but to my great delight, they seemed to enjoy it. We even had a good Q and A after that.

The next talk was at 7PM which was two hours before their shift was to begin. I jokingly remarked that I felt I was talking to inhabitants of another planet where people were asleep in the day and were awake at night!

The call center scene is full of young people. There is a sense of dynamism everywhere although the hours and tediousness take their toll quite easily. It’s an artifical world where they keep American hours in the Philippines. And of course, a prerequisite to work in one is the ability to speak good English. A niece of mine works in one and she teaches people how to understand and talk English and straighten out questions about pronunciation. A funny story that has spread and also seems to be true is about someone asking when to use the words ‘confirm’ and ‘confeerm’ (read as written). Oops! Rented tongue syndrome.


‘Can I confeerm that?”

zen to go

I have been receiving so much mail and comments from everywhere about my moving to OZ. Of about 150 comments and letters so far, I have received only two negative ones. The rest have been incredibly supportive, although many expressed apprehension about the state of the Philippines because someone like myself is opting to leave.

Last night, my brother-in-law asked me why I did not leave in 1989 when the country was in greater disarray, and why I am leaving now. I explained that at my age now, personal growth is very important to me since my window to do stuff like this is clearly diminishing. By itself, the situation in the country is not enough to make me leave. But other callings beckon.

In many ways, despite what the emotional fatigue and the physical toll moving does, I feel like a young man on the verge of a great adventure. So much to see, learn, and encounter—a new place to explore, new friends to meet, new challenges. I can feel my blood racing already. It’s like opening one’s eyes for the first time. Why, even a supermarket in Sydney would be an exciting place to visit!

I remember a zen saying and I paraphrase, ‘the zen one discovers in the mountain is the same zen one brought up.’ Which makes me wonder why I should even be leaving at all! Ha ha! Life’s contradictions make everything doubly curious.

Mabuhay ang Pinoy

Lastly, I wish to thank everyone in Aus who wrote offering various help in getting us started. Everything, from a place to stay, airport pick up, lending pots and pans, beds, tocadors, cars, etc. have been pouring in. I am completely overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of our kababayans. Filipino hospitality and down home kindness is something that never leaves us wherever we go. I feel this will be a softer landing. Salamat sa inyo mula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso at pagkatao.

35 thoughts on “the ‘goodbye look’”

  1. salamat, sir jim, for letting us into your life thru this blog. i look forward to reading more from this nook.

    salamat, sir jim, for inspiring me through your selfless acts, through your words, through your works. time and again, i always say thank you to you for being giving me the inspiration i need at the right place at the right time.

    good luck and God bless you!

  2. Hi Sir Jim,

    matagal ko nang gustong magcomment pero i kept silent. nirerespeto ko at naiintindihan ang pag-alis mo at bilang isang twenty-something na fan, na laging ipinagtatanggol ang OPM sa mga kakilala kong masyadong nahilig sa musikang banyaga, ibinibigay ko ang “room for growth” na hinihingi mo sa amin.

    mabuhay ka sir Jim! ikaw ay isa sa mga taong nag-inspire sa akin upang maging proud ako sa pagiging Pinoy, at higit sa lahat, mahalin ang pagiging Pinoy ko.

    Gudlak din sa concert ninyo bukas. Manonood ako kasama ng misis ko (na napasagot ko dahil sa kantang mahirap magmahal ng syota ng iba), at ang kumpare ko na mula hayskul ay dini-dig na namin ang APO, habang ang iba sa klasrum ay nababaduyan.

    Sana’y makapagpapirma kami ng poster. Sana’y makakuha kami ng poster. 🙂

    Maraming salamat sa musika. God bless you and your family.

    Hanggang sa muli! Kitakita bukas.

  3. Hi Sir Jim, salamat sa maraming taon ng pagbibigay ng musika sa aming buhay. napanood ko nung isang gabi sa tv si Ala, doon ko lang nalaman na aalis na pala kayong lahat. Hindi ko alam bakit nakaramdam ako ng lungkot, siguro dahil mami-miss ko ulit ang Apo. palatandaan lang ito na lumilipas na talaga ang panahon, nagpapahinga na ang maraming tao.

    Inaasahan ko ang isang magandang pakikipagsapalaran sa ibang bayan para sa inyong mag-anak.

    Namaste!

  4. “Everywhere I go, everyone I see or look at seems to stand still but vividly shimmering before my eyes. They probably seem like that since I am giving them one last glance, the ‘goodbye look’.”

    i don’t think it’s the “goodbye look.” that sounds more like an “enlightened” look to me.

    speaking of Zen, here’s my new favorite quote:

    “One instant is eternity;
    eternity is the now.
    When you see through this one instant,
    you see through the one who sees.”
    — Wu-men

    godspeed to you and your family, Jim. can’t wait to read about your adventures in OZ.

    ~r

    p.s. for Rustom… the truth has set you free. kudos.

  5. Jey,
    I am at a loss for words. If somehow, what I do or write touches you ikn any way, I am grateful.

    aidz–Salamat sa comment mol. Excited kami sa concert mamaya. Kung may poster ka, try to see us backstage and we will sign it. Kita mamaya!

    randy–magkikita pa rin tayo. Di pa tapos ang APO. Salamat sa sulat.

    coolmel–yes, I love that quote too, and there are so many more. Visit dailyzen.com and everyday, there is something to chew on there.

    Oo nga, the truth did set Rustom free. So happy for him.

    In a few days, I will know whether I brought any zen with me to Aus. heh heh. Will blog from there when I get settled. Incidentally, one of the things I copied again on my ipod (n-erase lahat kasi) was the Ken Wilber set of CDs you gave me. I will be taking that to OZ. He will be doing a workshop there yata sometime this April. Will try to go.

    Jim

  6. after a frenzy despidida, bienvenida naman sa pagdating mo sa oz.

    did you seek pilita corrales’s help in freight forwarding? she’s big in this business in the whole of oz.

  7. Dont’t Say Goodbye, just say Goodnight

    sir jim, will you still leave even if we were considered as 1st world country?

    I hope you will still write your “new” adventures here in your blog. because i learn many things from you. two things:

    be a man of humility and conviction.

    from your silent reader:

    ccigaux adona

    ccigaux_a_adona@yahoo.com

  8. i was at ala’s despedida and i saw you when you came in kaya lang i was too shy to approach. hehehe:) my japanese friend kept on nudging me and telling me to “say hi to her dad!” eh, you were busy din naman po.:)

    about rustom, saludo din ako sa kanya.:)

    confeermation lamang po. that was one of the first things i noticed when i first moved to manila. people say “confeerm” and “feerm” (firm). it even made me check my dictionary because so many people (even teachers) were saying them that way that i thought maybe i was the one who said them the wrong way. hehehe:) back in mindanao po kasi (or among the visayan people), nobody says these words that way. or at least i’ve never heard these words said tht way until i came to manila.


    the apo experience! sobrang ang galing, galing, galing, galing, galing po ninyong tatlo!!! wala… walang tatalo sa inyo! mahal na mahal ko ang apo!:)

  9. anonymous–Pass muna kami sa bienvenida, We all need serious sleep and a return to a normal pattern of life which will not be possible yet sinvce we will be setting house. haha.Pagod pero masaya!
    I did not know Pilita had this business

    greenmangoes–As I said, if it was the political situation alone, depite its many problems, I would not leave, But there is such a thing as personal growth as well which I feel I would like to indulge in now.

    Babypink–you shpould jhave approached me. Sayang! That was quite a party, wasn’t it? And yes, we had a great time atn the concert. Truly memorable.

    clara–salamat sa bisita.

  10. mr. jim paredes! alam niyo po sa pagbabasa ko ng blog niyo, na-realize ko na hindi porket artista kayo eh hindi na kayo kayang abutin ng mga normal na Pilipinong tulad ko.

    nung bata pa po ako, naalala ko sinama ako ng nanay ko sa isang concert ng APO. tapos nakita ka namin naglalalakad sa aisle nung concert hall. akala ko dahil artista kayo, “snob” kayo. pero nung binati kayo ng nanay ko, laking gulat ko! you greeted us in return, at hindi yung peke/pilit na pagbati tulad ng ginagawa ng ibang artista!

    10 years ago na po nangyari iyon at hanggang ngayon ay naaalala pa rin namin. ngayon po, through your blog, napatunayan ko na hindi pa rin kayo nagbabago. you are so humble, no wonder God is giving you lots of blessings in life.

    mr. jim, goodluck po sa magiging bagong buhay ninyo dun! you’ve touched so many lives already, and i know you’ll touch even more lives as you go there.

    palagi po kayo mag-blog ha. you inspire me too.

    Godspeed to you and your family!

  11. hi sir jim.

    i feel sorry for myself, kasi hindi ako naka nood nung 11 sa show nyo sa megamall.

    i saw you nga pala sa ortigas unionbank building last thursday.

    mr. jim, i know your migration to australia would mean a lot to you and to your family. my dad and my sisters live in melbourn, if somehow maka uwi ako dun after kong maka-graduate dito, at andun na kayo, kung pwede po sana maka-meet ka hehe.

    i’m one of the younger generations who still love your classic songs. im just 20 but through my mom, nasanay ako sa mga songs nyo.

    more power. i love APO.

  12. hhmm.. ah yah! personal growth!

    does personal growth usually occurs at the age of 40’s only?
    does realization comes first than personal growth? how will i know if personal growth is a must for me? does personal growth meant.. “leaving” the country?

    haayyy.. sorry sir. jim for so many questions. it’s just occurred to me the things about personal growth. i wanted to realize my personal growth.

    your situation reminded me the story of mr. coehlo’s “the alchemist” and antoine de saint exupery’s “the little prince”. they, too, realized their need to personal growth by leaving “literally” to what they have now.

  13. that’s prolly one of the very best things the filipino can be proud of: our hospitality…

    hope your transition in oz is smooth…

    bon voyage!

  14. Dear Jim,

    I got your blog address from your post on leaving from another e-group and I thought it was so insightful and … right on the dot.

    Your leaving has touched so many issues and hearts … specially those that are near you physically (neighborhood). My daughter, HAM, will miss Ananda. We’ve lived near you for years and we will never forget you and the whole family as being such down-to-earth, unassuming and kind people.

    We wish you well in everything that you do and in wherever life takes you and your family! Sam hopes to see Ananda sometime soon again!

  15. pepay–salamat. Simple lang ang buhay. Kapag batiin ka, battiin mo rin. Kamustahin mo ako sa nanay mo, OK?

    hey lance– make sure na if we are ever again in the same place to come to me and let me know. I do not discount the possibility that this can happen.

    greenmangoes–personal growth is exactluy that, personal. It happens when it needs to happen. In my case, the fact that I am getting older is a wake up call to go for a few dreams I have not done. Good luck and I hope you pursue your dreams.

    claudski–totoo yan. We are tops sa hospitality. We make people feel they belong and are welcome.

    rubai–I feel so good that ananda has found a friend with HAM. Even if she still has to say SAM properly, her feelings for Sam are genuine,. Every time she is on our bed and can look out the window, she calls out to HAM!

    I am sad that we did not get to know each other as well we should have as neighbors. We will keep Sam alive in Ananda’s memory until they see each other again.

    We will be back. See you again someday. Thank you for taking care of my apo when she visits your home.

    Jim

  16. WARNING: I have a comment vaguely related to your post! 🙂

    About the 1st picture w/ Rico J… Grabe Sir Jim! Ang gwapo mo!:D Not that you’re not now. (I was picturing you walking in the ADMU campus at 19 but in the present day! Campus crush ka sigurado!:D (80% of me is wanting to delete this comment right now!) But the old APO album covers we have here at home dont seem to capture your “coolness!” Hahaha!! I can’t believe I’m telling this to a professor! :S

    Have a safe trip! And have a blast in Autralia! Looking forward to your blog-kwentos. 🙂 Praying for your family always.

  17. Hey Doranne– I am.. ehem.. proud to say I was quite popular with the Maryknollers then. Sayang hindi pa coed ang ADMU noon. ha ha! I also had more hair and youth.

    I can’t think of any student who would have the guts to write this to an ex-teacher. You are you doranne and that’s why I’ve always appreciated you. Stay as you are. Tunay kang tao. Iba ka talaga.

    Your comment, I must admit makes my day!

    Jim

  18. Dear Sir, I was 11 yrs old when Ninoy was killed, 14 during the EDSA revolution. I stood right behind my Mom (the famously photographed woman in white with a rosary) inches away from a tank in EDSA. I watched EtoNaPoSila and all the other EtoNaNamanPoSilas that followed after that. American Junk flipped me out as a teen-ager, I know Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo by Heart and that song you (?) produced sung by Lilet. (the one with “Panahon na, Magkaisa in the lyrics…)

    I left for the US right after college but came home after grad school in 2003. Last year, borne out of frustration and guilt due to apathy, I started a movement called Rock Ed Philippines. (Erica and Ala are part of it and I think you posed for some shots for the Human Rights Day zine we distribute to the High Schools) Today we are thousands. Many provinces have started their own Rock Ed movements. Its main purpose is to promote volunteerism, civic mindedness and a sense of country through the arts, whether performance, literary or visual. I am comfortably proud of the work we’ve done and will continue to do.

    I thought you should know that the idea for Rock Ed was not something that happened in isolation. (very few things are, I suppose) There were a million influences behind that. APO’s music and your constant socio-civic involvement has been a driving force that has been in my periphery growing up and safe to assume that it is also part of the driving force behind the idea that is Rock Ed. I suppose it is just right that you know this. And that you know I am personally grateful because you consciously had a purpose for your music. My best to you, Lydia, (I met her through JesCom) Erica, Ala and your son whose name I don’t really know.

    Don’t ever feel anxious about leaving the country, the nation is in the heart.

    with gratitude,
    Gang Badoy, Rock Ed Philippines

  19. hey sir Jim. i’ve catched your tv appearance on Bongga ka Star with Jolina for Kuh Ledesma’s limelight.

    Its always fulfilling to see you and the rst of the APO together.

    and yes, i will approach you if ever i see you again ^^

  20. Hi Gang,

    Rock Ed seems like a wonderful initiative. I am so glad that stuff like this is happening. One of the things I wish to do when I return is to establish initiatives like Rock Ed, Gawad kalinga, etc.. but in different fields of life in the Philippines–health, education, culture, skills training,youth development that will once again excite people to do something. I believe that GK especially is a real expression of how the spirit of EDSA1 should have taken root and grown. This, and Rock ed are what people power should be doing now.

    Congratulations. I am touched that our music has somehow been a part of your formative years. I feel humbled by it. All the more, it makes me excited to NOT stop thinking of our country and how to redirect it back to its True North. Indeed, the nation is in the heart.

    lance– see you someday, somehow and soon. I may be in Melbourne by June. We’ll see.

    Jim

  21. Wow! Good thing I manage to stumble upon this blog! I literally grew up seeing APO on TV and I like their music as well.

    And also happy trip to you and your family.

  22. hi jim, hmnn.. looking at the commments of your readers… it’s not a surprise to me anymore. you really are an inspiration to many as you are to me. it’s nice to know that people look up to you not only because you are a celebrity, but most of all, because you are a good, down-to-earth person/friend. talk 2 u later.

  23. sir jim!

    i’m sure i’m not alone in saying that we will miss you, not only as part of APO (avid fan of your songs po!), but as the creative guru, as students of your “unleash the creative genius” class regard you. 🙂

    that was the best class i took in ateneo. hayyy kamiss. but anyway, we wish you all the best po, and may you find whatever it is you are looking for. i admire you for “walking the edge”, na it’s truly never too late to go after what you think you are missing…

    ingat po dun!

    -anna gonzales-

  24. hi Jim, i was at the APO’s concert 2 saturdays ago,i had a lot of fun and really enjoyed your performances, the medleys and the different versions of your songs, the marching band of Buboy, your RocknRoll and Danny’s chacha, hahaha! i also love it each time Danny and Buboy make fun on each other.

    it was my first time to watch your concert and i can truly say that i really had a blast and also it was one of the happiest birthdays that i had, but on the other hand, there’s also sadness, to the fact that you will be migrating to Oz. my prayers will always be with you and your family. you’ll do great in there. keep well and be safe. thank you.

  25. Hi Jim,

    I’m an avid reader of this blog. Your entries truly inspire me.

    I’m also about to embark on a journey of my own. I will be leaving for a land that’s completely different from ours. I’m looking forward to learning new things and rediscovering myself. I’m also scared out of my mind because my family and friends are all here. I’ll be alone in a strange place.

    I know I’ll make new connections while staying in touch with people back home. God is with us wherever we go, anyway.

    Take care. I wish you and your family the best.

  26. hi po,:) i’m doing a thesis on weblogging and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions through email. Thing is,I don’t have your email so I’m posting the list of questions in my blog. Please find time to check them out.:) Umm, also if I could use a few of your texts for textual analysis and reference? Would really appreciate it if you say yes. =)

  27. This is a comment on your migration to Australia. Please bear with me while I tell you a little bit about myself.

    My background is probably not too far removed from yours. I come from a proud Filipino family of Spanish & Chinese descent, upper class, years of private schooling, etc. My parents were successful in their chosen careers.

    However, I had always been the one that my mother worried about. I was into a lot of things – from attending sit-ins and lectures on the Vietnam War (I was 16 or 17 at that time), to attending rallies against the Marcos government, both before and after martial law was declared.

    I was the one who was in Antipolo attending a student council retreat when martial law was declared. My father drove past soldiers’ barricades to get me from where I was to bring me home – nothing was going to stop him.

    I was the one who had to move to a different college because the dean of the first college I attended was looking to expel students for their “subversive” anti-Marcos activities (the dean was a Marcos crony).

    I was the one who, upon reaching my new college and being told that the student council had to be terminated because it was what Mr Marcos wanted, stood in front of the students’ general assembly to declare that we must fight to preserve the students’ voice in society. I think you get the picture.

    I could have made my mother so happy by doing what my Ate was doing at that time, busy singing with the Ambivalent Crowd (as mothers are wont to do, they think all their children are great talents – not!).

    Fast forward to 2006 and here I am, living in Queensland, Australia. I migrated to Melbourne in 1981, much to my mother’s relief. The move was a combination of “all my friends are doing it,” “I am so sick and frustrated with this government” and “I have no future here.”

    Homesickness washed over me like a tsunami during my first few years in Melbourne. I would shed tears on my cassette player while recording a “letter” to my friends (pahikbi-hikbi pa). It eased off after a while but I still get homesick, even now.

    Then, I discovered a quieter, more orderly lifestyle. It was like living in a probinsiya where there were fewer people and everything works. I like order – in my environment and in my life – even if I have to do all the chores myself. After a while, I fell in love with Melbourne.

    Four years later, while on holiday in Brisbane, I met a man and a year later, I married him. We’ve been married since 1985 and we have one son who just started university studies.

    So, what am I trying to say? It was only about two weeks ago when I found out about your migration to Sydney. I have to admit to feeling so downhearted upon hearing it; not because you left the country but because of what the action says about the country. I’m thinking that whatever is written in the Pinoy newspapers must bear interpretation because otherwise nationalists, especially of Jim’s calibre, would not contemplate leaving.

    For 25 years of wondering and asking myself whether or not I had given up on the Philippines too soon, your move has assured me that I did not.

  28. Bakit po ba ang mga ibang kababayan natin ay kailangan sabihin na sila ay Spanish, American, Chinese .. descent? Ang Pilipino ay walang common identity sa mukha tulad ng hapon, intsik o koreano. Sabihin na lang natin na tayo ay “PILIPINO”. Ano ba ang itsura na tunay ng pilipino? Ikinahihiya ba ito ng ibang kababayan natin?

    Huwag po ninyon masamain, ito po ay aking lang opinion.

  29. Hahaha! Ohmygod! You know, Sir, I never went back to this page after I posted that comment! I wanted to cover my eyes while the page was loading now… I didnt know what you’d reply 🙂

    Hahaha! I’m happy to have made your day 🙂

    See!?!?… long hair! long hair! long hair! 🙂

  30. hello, jim,
    you don’t know me but you’ve just been “ushered” to us in Banggaan by my tukayo Edd Aragon who never fails to share with us anything from the most trivial to the biggest events that might have come to his turfs downunder. your lively dinner with krip, mario and tukks at ding’s had become quite an interesting thread in the loop for days. your migration to oz is your destiny and undoubtedly the best of choices that i would agree. i myself did that here in nj with my wife and our then 5 year old daughter in 1989. i’m an artist, too, a dropout from piyups and like you, a swift away from the marmalade sky generation of beatlemania. i have jammed with NonongP of CAFA, willyNep during those good ‘ole days in piyups and jammed with heberB at the oarhouse in malate last may 2005. now, i’m very much challenged to make do with my tukayo Edd someday, too, somewhere, sometime, wherever and whenever that might be. more power to you, jim paredes, hanggang sa magka-apo ka ng kaka-hike mula sa sosayteng iniwan mo sa pinas hanggang oz
    :-)… hehehe..
    sincerely, ed labadia (to2ed@aol.com)

  31. Thank you!
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