Reprinted from http://jimparedes.tumblr.com

Contrary to what many people think, bishops are NOT against ALL condom use. There are admittedly situations when people may use condoms. Here are the following instances where condom use has been considered moral and allowable.

1) It is morally acceptable to use condoms if you cut the tip or puncture holes on the condom. This way, there will be no barrier that will stand in the way of conception.

Layman Question: But… but.. isn’t that a gamble? I mean, there can still be a possibility that conception may or may not happen, although admittedly, it makes the condom much more unsafe now.

CBCP Answer: Yes. That’s OK because gambling is a lesser sin than wearing condoms. Besides, it has the chilling effect that can prevent user from wantonly enjoying sex without fear of conception. There is nothing like a leaking condom that can instill the fear of getting his partner pregnant. The point is to have fear when you indulge in sex! It is good to suffer. Believe us, we suffer a lot by not having sex! And we are good people.

2) For fashion purposes, but only if the tip is cut or punctured with holes. But remember, fashion is vanity— a sin as well. But at least vanity is still better and less sinful than condom use.

3) For the ribbed effect (but take note that tip must be cut, or punctured with holes). Enjoying sex is a no-no. But at least it is a lesser sin than putting one’s sword in a scabbard during action.

3) One may use luminous condoms for easier navigation in the dark. (It is advisable to have the lights closed so one is not tempted upon seeing a naked body. It is already enough that you have sex. You don’t have to be animalistic about it and enjoy it.)

But one must still

a) cut the tip before penetration, or

b) completely take it off when the target proximity is already identified.

WARNING: These rules only apply if partners are

a) a man and a woman,

b) married in the Catholic Church,

c) and only if the morally sanctioned orifice (vagina) is the ‘receiver’.

It is not in any way sanctioned if people who use these evil condoms do so in solitary activity, or are of the same sex, or of worse, of different species EVEN IF THE TIP IS CUT OFF.