Humming in my UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes
The Philippine STAR 01/21/2007
Moving to Australia last year was a big undertaking for my family. We had to wait five years to do it. We had already decided to move in 2001 but the cancer episodes and deaths that shook our family prevented us from moving when we wanted to. It’s been 10 months now since we left Manila.
I was watching a TV documentary on SBS-TV here in Sydney about how some Africans spend years and risk everything to cross the border from Morocco to Spain just to make it to Europe. As an immigrant myself, I was on the verge of tears watching how much suffering they had to go through – emotionally, physically and psychologically – to have a shot at a better life. I salute their determination and their stories have raised the benchmark for me on how indomitable the human spirit can be.
I admit that my family was compelled not by economic reasons but by wanderlust to move to Australia. That, and a respite from life as I knew it back in the Philippines plus other reasons not anywhere as dramatic as those of the Africans.
But even so, it was a major undertaking on our part. In 10 months, we have passed through many hoops to get settled in a place of our own. My kids Ala and Mio seem to have gone past the initial depression of feeling lost in a foreign setting and are assimilating to Aussie life quite well. Lydia is doing fine although it is tough for her at times since I an often out of Sydney doing work in the Philippines or elsewhere. Many times, she finds herself alone and feeling the pain of alienation and meaninglessness in suburbia.
Last year, I, too, felt the loneliness when I had to be in Manila for four months instead of being with my family. The irony of it all hits me sometimes in a funny, and at other times, an unfunny way –that I actually do part of my work in the Philippines to support my family abroad!
Looking at our situation, I recall a quote from St. John of the Cross where he describes the three stages of human endeavor: the first stage involves great faith, which then evolves to great doubt, and finally, to great effort. In my own life, I have seen this dynamic happen many times.
When we left Manila, we were all optimistic that we were doing so for the right reasons and that we had the wherewithal to do what we were doing. We believed that we had planned our migration meticulously well and that everything would fall into place. And in many ways, it has. We have come quite far settling in, in the short time that we’ve been here.
It feels good to be on a sure footing. It’s comfortable and reassuring to be in control of things, people and events. It’s nice to know all the facts about something before making decisions and commitments so that things turn out just how we expect them to.
But we all know that life isn’t always as predictable as we wish it would be. No matter how much we plan and second-guess how things will turn out and take steps to make life turn out a certain way, we soon learn that life has this annoying habit of going its own way in spite of our best-laid plans.
For one, we underestimated the loneliness. It can hit you and cut deep to your core – enough to plant great doubts in your mind about the worthiness and even the sanity of this great move you have made.
I’ve heard many immigrants, myself included, ask: “What the hell am I doing here?” I was quite taken aback when a friend who has been living in Sydney for 15 years, has a great job and has acquired five houses, told me that he still occasionally asks himself the same question in spite of his success here.
Planting oneself into a new setting and culture takes time and a lot of planning. You need to know the terrain, choose the best part of the country to settle in, and ensure that you not only survive, but thrive. Australia is a wonderful country. But just like any place outside of home, it can be an alienating experience to be assaulted constantly with a foreign accent and a way of life that is so different from life as you’ve always known it back home. And you may find yourself missing the very reasons that compelled you to leave home – the chaos, inefficiency, uncertainty – in this too predictable and orderly society.
When I get this feeling, I know it’s time to consciously exert great effort to keep my optimism and spirit alive and afloat. This loneliness, too, shall pass. There will be better days ahead. Soon enough, the very foreignness of everything again takes on a magical character that always manages to arouse my sense of wonder.
My son and I were talking the other day and he said that when one gets over the loneliness, living here is actually a good deal. I was happy that he saw it that way. I do not know if I can ever completely immerse myself in Aussie society and culture, enough to become a player here outside the Filipino community. But I know that this isn’t a permanent place for me to live in.
I am learning that migrating is not about attaining a certain status, or achieving something, or even getting to a final destination. As the Zen mantra goes, the journey itself is the destination. Every day is what it’s all about, as I realize that every little gain I make in this new setting is a sprout, a bud, or even a sapling making its presence felt along the road I have chosen to travel on. Paying attention to the right things has its rewards.
It doesn’t really matter which country you have moved to, or whether you even left the Philippines at all. We are all on a journey. As my wife and I are learning, it can get better every day if we choose it to be so.
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Great post Jim, it truly is a great culture shock for any individual to move, let alone to another country altogether…
Your courage is inspiring, and your faith is even more so…
It’s true Jim, what you and your wife contemplate, that it can get better each day, if you choose to do so…
As happiness is a choice, you will find that most everything else in life is a choice…
And as you make fervent effort to constantly improve yourself, that in itself is the key to happiness…
Indeed, everything is a choice. There is something about loneliness though that is also good for the soul, and so visiting it once in a while ( or being visited by it and welcoming it) may be good as well.
Thanks for the visit.
My wife mentioned to me your words that it was the journey and not the destination….
For those of us who are still “travelling” this is a subject of endless fascination. Our stories of migration are as varied as we are from each other.
For most people it starts off with finding a better destination. My best friend has a masters from a college in the New England area in Information Management; he graduated from UP, my point being he is quite an intelligent and capable person. In one of those moments habang nag-iinuman kami, when having made his plans and prepared his way to migrate to the US, we talked about things past and the promise of this exciting and challenging future, he told me something which forever stuck in my mind.
He grew up in Bicol, not into wealth nor privilege, and told me how, as a young boy, when the typhoons visited, and it rained; how he stayed awake, fearful that the roof would be wrenched off and the family would be left exposed to the raging elements. And how he still remembered that fear.
For my best friend, I suppose he went on the migratory experience so he and his own, would never again have to worry about the driving rain.
I was perhaps more fortunate having grown up outside the Philippines, when my father took us to Papua New Guinea. My Dad, bless him, like the farmers of old, was able to finance my education in Australia, by selling one of the two cars we owned. Unfortunately I must have caused him some anxious moments, because for a time I was flunking every thing in sight. Thankfully I realised that “wala nang kalabaw si erpat, pag hindi ko pa ipasa ‘to, hindi na niya ako kayang ipagtapos”. Somehow I always knew I did not want to struggle in the rat race of Manila. I felt that while I was capable, I certainly was not a stellar intellect, I was better at spending money rather than making it, and while I played some music, I was pretty confident people would more happily pay not to hear me play. So having this image of having to get by with my mediocrity, I was fairly relieved to see that Australia possibly beckoned, and I would not have to slug it out in Manila.
We left for Port Moresby when I was 14. And how is it that I still find myself looking around me, with essentially the same eyes, albeit a little wiser? The funny thing is I don’t consider myself any less Australian than the next guy. I feel at home in Sydney in my own skin. Probably I feel informed by both experiences. As a Filipino who has spent more time outside the Philippines than in, I can see how that experience enriches the Pinoy in me. At the same time, as an immigrant bringing something different into Australia, I can see how I have a different perspective to most people. Perhaps I am more compassionate to the plight of refugees, I am more sensitive to issues of inclusion, and I so admire and am thankful how one can lead a life of simple dignity here.
I look at my kids and wonder how they will think about all of this and how I can share this part of me with them and whether they will also be enriched by it and whether they will be strengthened for it.
It is a journey indeed.
Thanks for sharing your own with the WWW – makes me feel better reading it. BTW, I agree it must be 100 times harder for your wife. I take my hat off to her.
Wow… Does this ean I’ll have a hard time getting useed to the environment there?
Will it take a while to get use to the country?
jaym–wow. your journey is quite a story. Port Moresby–my god, that’s like probimnsiya ng Australia, di ba? Thanks for the visit.
tricia–expect to get lonely in the beginning. Ala, my daughter and Mio my son are quoiyte adjusted after 8 months. Sure, loneliness will creep in ffrom time to time, but there are good things about being here as well.
Good luck.
Nice to hear that your kids have adjusted well now. what about ananda,she’ll grow up knowing two cultures at the same time,cool.
Do you remember the pic i sent you? it’s on my blog now and some readers said it’s bernard bonnin,hehe..not juancho guttierez. and those readers are in their 30’s,how come they know? 🙂
Jim, Inspiring post! You never really understand what they mean about “pangungulila” until you experience it yourself. Loneliness hit me spot on the first night I had to sleep in a strange room. But that is all part of the journey. I’ve learned to make the better of the sadness myself. When you get past the tears, the emotions are like a warm blanket that is somehow reassuring. It must be good inspiration for you too! And you are right, it only can get better from here!
Jaym, I salute your dad, as I salute mine. Mabuhay ang kanilang mga kalabaw!
apojim you are so inspirational !!!i wish i have the same attitude you have.i struggle also for the longest time when we move here in the states…talking about culture shock,people mocking about your accent until now like your friend still asking why are we here. all i can tell myself it’s my destiny.if i did not move here i won’t be able to meet the love of my life that was the greatest thing ever happen to me that i’m grateful for.
hang in there…you’re been so inspirational and enjoy reading your blog even sharing this to my co worker who happens to be american-greek she is very positive person like you.
…it is like reading my own notes.
My wife and I were moderately successful business persons in the Philippines. Until two years ago, due to a lot of factors (definitely not economic), we moved to “paradise” accross the ditch from Australia.
Ours was more of taking advantage of THE better option. Because life is short, we prioritized the kids. I felt bad(an understatement) when our four growing boys got more attached with their yaya and the driver…sometimes accidentally calling me by the driver’s name. Ouch! Thank God, I had an early realization that there’s more to life than earning money.
The first few months were really challenging. It stretched to the very limits our resolve, patience, strength and even our faith. But because there’s a strong sense of mission in what we did, we prevailed. It also helped that we kept ourselves busy by being active in our parish and the CFC community.
Nowadays, we get to walk the boys to school, play in the marvelous parks with them and, tuck them in bed after a short evening prayer. We had no idea then that hands-on parenting can be very rewarding. Of course, hands-on means doing things we never thought we can/will be able to do. 🙂
The boys have since bestowed a heart-warming accolade on us: “Best Parents in the World”
Our tears of joy confirmed that we made the right move.
REX of NZ
I guess, the bottom line is that when you have kids, life’s not about you anymore — or at least until the kids are grown and can fend for themselves.
The Philippines of 20-40 years ago showed quite a bit more promise than the Philippines of today. Whereas we are not exactly a bunch of refugees fleeing a war-torn country, our motivation to seek greener pasteurs are not that different.
At the end of the day we have only one shot at life. We have to choose carefully where we invest that shot.
The way I see it, a few months of grief adjusting to life in a foreign land can be equated to 30 years of protracted so-so living-in-chronic-uncertainty-and-no-choice-tolerance-of-injustice existence in the Philippines.
Sir Jim, I’ve been lurking around your site (and ala’s) for quite a while. Your writing has always been a source of inspiration. In two months, I will be packing my bags and head off to Sydney.. alone. I’m bracing myself to live through this adventure. I’m excited but scared at the same time. Somehow, reading about your journey makes it a bit easier for me. You are truly an inspiration.
PS, I can’t help but be a fangirl, but I was a big PDA fan (aside from being an APO fan, of course..) They couldn’t have chosen a better headmaster than you. 🙂
maroon–good luck in Sydney. Once past the unfa,miliarity and loneliness, it gets better. I loved my stint at PDA too.
REX of NZ–I know what you guyys are experiencing. Our family bonding is grreater than ever. That’s what a new place can do, I suppose.
benign)–It’s all about the people we love, yes.
john–salamat. I guess you found someone valuable to make everything worthwhile. congrats!
pen–I am getting quite good at handling loneliness. Depending on the place, loneliness has different flavors. The first thing I noticed is that there is a difference between loneliness in Manila and in Sydney. Also, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
But as overseas Filipinos, we can only get better and better at handling it. (I hope)!!
It makes me feel sad that you left the Philippines.
To all Pinoys who immigrated, doesn’t it make you feel sad that all you good people have left the country? Who would be left behind to build the country up?