HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes (The Philippine Star) | Updated July 9, 2017 –
When Lydia and I got married in 1977, our plan was to have babies three to five years after marriage. We wanted to enjoy each other and do stuff together first. We figured that a baby would tie us down too early in our marriage. To be honest, I was not too crazy about babies then. I was not in a hurry to be a dad. I knew that once we had a baby, we would have a life-long commitment to care of and raise a human being. We thought we should wait. We were young and we did not like the responsibility of parenthood just yet.
But after just nine months of living as a couple in our small, rented apartment where we cooked, cleaned the house, went out weekly for movies, and did what newly hitched young couples do, we decided to have a baby. We felt that our life together was just too much like “playing house” or, as we say in the vernacular, “nagbabahay-bahayan”. We felt we weren’t really living the “real life.” I guess by then we were ready for a real purpose and direction. And besides, we noticed more and more of our friends were starting their families. We felt it was also time we did.
In 1979, we had Erica. Four years later, we had Ala. Five and a half years later, we had Mio. Lydia actually wanted two or three more kids. I was already content with the three ones that we had. I did not want to work harder than I already was.
In their early years, our life as parents was mostly about raising our kids, feeding them, helping them with school, providing for them and taking care of them in all ways needed.
When Erica started being a teen, parenthood changed a lot for us. It was time to accept that our firstborn was growing up, and fast. Our family was getting older. I could feel a change in our family dynamics. As parents, we used to have easy authority and control over our kids. But now, Erica, being the strong person she has always been, had started to question our parental authority and flex her muscles. She was pulling away from us, but we were also pulling back and also giving her some slack so she would not rush to be independent. Even if we were not strict as parents when they were growing up, we knew this would eventually happen. It was disconcerting but inevitable. The tug of war went on and on during her teen years.
Ala and Mio, our second daughter and only son, went through the same phases but in milder ways. But by then, we had learned a lot about how to deal with teenage angst, thanks to our experience with Erica.
When we moved to Australia, the two girls had already graduated from college while Mio had finished his high school. Mio took graphic design in the University of New South Wales; Ala went back to school and took up an art degree.
In Australia, they were all miserable at first. They all started with jobs they did not like. They felt they did not belong. They missed home. Erica and her daughter Ananda actually returned to Manila after a few months and rethought the move to migrate.
But soon enough, Ala and Mio started to have friends. They also started dating and that changed their feeling about Sydney. They had gotten better jobs and had started earning their own money and doing what they wanted.
It has been 11 years since we moved to Sydney. Ala, now 34 years old, is married to John Buencamino and they have a new baby. She is also an artist-illustrator who has had exhibits and is joining another one in a few months.
Mio is now 29 years old, employed and a motorcycling warrior on the weekends. He has a serious relationship with his girlfriend Kaylee.
While we were in Sydney, I talked to Mio a lot and he told me about his life there and how he much he had changed and surprised himself. He told me that he had never imagined he would ever become the person he has turned out to be in Australia. He was proud.
He figured that if he had stayed in Manila, he would have been living a predictable life, and it would be that of an upper middle class, white collar employee, “just like everyone else.” He had opted for the road less traveled.
In Australia, he learned independence and the value of manual labor and hard work. While he works in an office now, he went through other jobs where he learned a lot and discovered his curious, adventurous side. He is well-read and has learned a lot of life skills. He is friendly, charming and gets along with everyone very easily. He can also be very generous with his time and resources.
After a few months of being with Ala and Mio, Lydia and I returned to Manila a week ago from Sydney.
Four days ago, as I was lying in bed ready to sleep, my daughter Erica who lives and works in Paris suddenly walked into our bedroom. It was all unexpected. She had come home because of the death of a friend’s relative. While it may have been a sad circumstance that brought her home, it was a welcome surprise reunion between Erica, her daughter Ananda and us.
As I am writing this, I can see a lot of activity going on in our home kitchen. Erica, a graduate of Le Cordon Bleu’s famous culinary course in Paris, and trained at the Michelin-starred Robuchon restaurant, is cooking up something with her daughter Ananda.
I can smell delicious, sumptuous food emanating from where they are. My wild, restless firstborn who was our most high-maintenance child seems to have found her bliss in being a chef at age 38. I am happy about that.
Since we are spread out all over the world, events like Christmas can be problematic. Everyone seems to have their own plans right now. It is entirely possible that we may not be together for the first time this Christmas. Lydia and I may have to spend it alone.
Our family may have grown up but it continues to evolve. As our children start living more of their lives and dreams and create their own stories, Lydia and I are moving towards being empty nesters. Our family members may not be living under one roof anymore, and not even on the same continents. But we feel bonded and united as one. More than ever.
As grandparents, we enjoyed helping Ala and John in Sydney take care of their baby Zadie so they could catch up with their sleep. Ananda, now a teenager, is under our care for the moment until she joins her mom in Paris soon.
Our children may have come into this world as undefined humans. We raised them as best as we could and continue to be around to help when they need it. They are all grown-up now. We are grateful to see how much they love each other and actually enjoy each other’s company.
We see them as fine human beings who know how to love, and be loved. They are compassionate and kind people. They will hopefully contribute positively to the world.
Sometimes I feel our work as parents may be over. The kids are grown up and two of them have children of their own. I hope they give us more grandchildren.
Mother Teresa once asked the rhetorical question, “What can you do to promote world peace?” She answered it by saying, “Go home and love your family.”
Funny! This is what we have been doing without expecting to save the world.