In the interest of cooling down the National Warming brought about by the heating of election fever, here’s a blast of frigid humor! (Ok, I’m hitting everyone to be fair).

1) Villar Rocky Road special—Crunchy, Creamy, Cool, Can’t-have-enough with Caramel (or also known as C5). Best served with extenders, toppings and ‘insertions’

2) Bro Eddie Heavenly Sundae— Recipe was reportedly ‘revealed’ from Above! Or maybe concocted out of his head. Divine taste. Salamat Lord!

3) Noy Corymel flavor with Mallows—Nothing new here. In fact, it’s an old mom and pop recipe which has been passed on from one generation to the next. It has wide appeal as long as you go slow on the Kris toppings.

4) Gibo Gloria crunch— Crunched and crushed to smithereens with a strong after taste of Wicked Gloria’s 9 year recipe of DARK concoctions! Gloria’s flavor seems too overpowering that’s why it is not as sellable as other flavors.

5) JC Delos Reyes Better than Sex Chocolate fudge—Orgasmic to the palate. Once you buy it, you will not want to have sex or support the RH bill ever again.

6) Gordon pie ice cream—Bloody red crossed cherries sprinkled with Mashed and marinated Delicious Aratilles (MMDA). It is naturally rated by Gordon himself as ‘the best’. But please check expiration date. It might have been more appealing at an earlier time.

7) Nicky Perlas Swirl— Nothing synthetic here. Experimental flavor with pure ingredients, but sadly, no distinct taste!

8) ERAP (behind) Bar—An old, discontinued, discredited flavor left in the freezer too long and has lost much of its appeal. It also doesn’t seem to thaw out well to be served properly.

9) Jamby Super Special— Tart-tasting. An obscure flavor. If you want this with another scoop of a different flavor, please be warned that it does not go at all with Villar’s Rocky Road.