HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes (The Philippine Star) | Updated December 28, 2014 – 12:00am

The tradition continues. At this time of year I automatically go into a trance and transform into a swami. And while in a catatonic state, I blurt out my visions for the coming year, 2015. When I do, it is said that I speak rapidly and almost unintelligibly. I don’t know this because I am lost in some spell. A spirit overtakes me. Luckily, I have an assistant who records everything I say lest my readers miss out on the “lay of the land” next year.

Dear readers, here are my bold predictions for 2015 — revealed!

1) The ISIS ideology will come to the Philippines but in an unexpected twist, it will be embraced and vigorously carried out by women! Yes. This is, after all, a matriarchal society that we live in.

Men will be harassed, detained, punished, persecuted, and will be in constant fear for their lives. This rampaging army of women will carry the name “MISIS”!

2) There will be a worldwide social media movement urging everyone to upload their nude photos and sex videos online for everyone to see. Contrary to what everyone thinks, this will not pollute social media, even if it will seem like it for a while. Instead what will eventually happen is that netizens will get over their prurient fascination with everyone’s sex lives and the conversations on social media will be elevated to a higher level.

3) Pope Francis’ scheduled visit to Manila will be successful. As he has said, he will stay in modest quarters, eat simple food, will not ride a limo but a simple sedan. He has also said he will not meet politicians, rich and famous people, and will be happy to be with the poor and disenfranchised. This will all come to pass.

Imelda Marcos will attempt to have an audience with the Pope claiming she is now poor since the PCGG has confiscated some of her houses, paintings, jewelry and cash. She will argue that she is now disenfranchised and suffering because the court has forced her family to pay reparations to human rights victims. Based on her new “poor and suffering” status, she will make a request to see the Pope. Her request will not be entertained!

4) VP Binay will formally file his candidacy for the presidential race. Since he has been called many names lately, he will ask Comelec to recognize ballots bearing the following names in his favor: “Jejomar Binay,” “Jejomar,” “Binay,” “Mayor,” “VP,” “NogNog,” “Hacendero,”, “Sinungaling,” “Duwag,” etc. The last four names will not be recognized but the Comelec will suggest “Susmariosep,” which Binay will approve.

5) Pfizer, the drug company, will utilize exotic Philippine plants and herbs to create new products. But they will make a monumental mistake when they add the extract of the sensitive-to-the-touch makahiya plant to Viagra. The result will be something magnificent to look at but, alas, cannot be held.

6) It will finally be revealed that aliens from other galaxies have been living on earth and interacting with humans for centuries. The aliens will finally come forward and admit that they were behind the construction of the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, Machu Pichu, the Rice Terraces and many others. But they will vigorously deny they had anything to do with the collapsed egg-like structure near NAIA Terminal 3.

7) The Bureau of Prisons in Muntinlupa will announce that part of its property will be formally converted into a luxurious country club with all the amenities and facilities including Jacuzis, saunas, tennis courts, private rooms complete with air conditioning, big TVs and life-sized sex dolls. But unlike other high-end clubs, shabu will not only be tolerated but encouraged. Snort all you can!

8) Lunar panels will be invented to capture the power of the moon’s glow.

9) Believe it or not, racism and religious intolerance will begin to disappear worldwide starting 2015. People of all races and creeds will rejoice but new types of bigotry and enmity will replace them, one of which will be based on blood type. Type As will claim superiority over all other blood types. Another will be the fight between left-handed and right-handed people. But the most worrisome will be the enmity between the circumcised and the non-circumcised. It will get so bad there will be skirmishes and rioting with both sides demanding their pound of flesh from each other.

10) Many industrialized nations with dwindling populations will resort to enticing certain people to migrate to their countries. From the Philippines, any male person who can claim to be related to Erap, Ramon Revilla Sr. or Dolphy will be granted instant citizenship.

11) The next trend in fine dining is to offer valued customers preferred tables not just with a good view or privacy, but one that is near a power outlet.

12) As the price of oil continues to plummet, oil companies will develop new fuels and invest in cars that will use powder and lotion.

13) Scientists will discover that the most exercised parts of the body are the thumb and point finger due to scrolling and enlarging photos on smart phones.

14) Scientists will discover a new medical condition resulting from too much solitary male sex. It will be aptly called “penis elbow.”

15) Lastly, my most accurate prediction for next year is that none of these forecasts will happen. Thank God!

HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes (The Philippine Star) | Updated December 21, 2014 – 12:00am

The build up to Christmas is full-on. The pace is not the same for everyone. For some, it began sometime in September when yuletide carols started playing on the radio.

That’s way too early for me and a lot of people I know. I find it premature to start feeling all good and Christmassy when it won’t be around for another four months. But for some, September is the wonderful kick-off that starts their anticipation of the holiday.

I must confess that in recent years, I haven’t been a big fan of Christmas. It has been draining — physically and monetarily, and stressful. The huge expenses, the endless parties, the rush to finish pending jobs and the gargantuan traffic jams everywhere in the city have just been too much for me. I have felt all sorts of emotions but good cheer; jolliness and glad tidings have barely been on my list.

I know this sounds awful and it makes me sound like Scrooge but I’ve been saying for years now that I wish we would all agree to celebrate Christmas only every two years. People should not be subjected to the torture of holiday frenzy and madness only to start the new year burdened with the season’s shopping debt, physical exhaustion, and extra unwanted pounds.

But Christmas will happen no matter how I feel about it. And like people who are told they have a serious illness, I still go through the stages of shock, anger, denial and bargaining before I surrender to acceptance and get into the holiday mood.

As I write this, I see the house all decked out and it is beautiful. I must admit I feel good about it. I appreciate how much Lydia planned the look and put up the décor in our new home. For the past few nights, I’ve been playing Christmas music, which always brings back that feeling of sweet melancholia that goes with the season.

There are no “visions of sugar plums dancing in my head,” as it used to feel like when I was a small boy. Today, I am going through a replay of a mix of memories of Christmases past, accompanied by sweet sadness and appreciation.

This makes me feel good, melts a lot of my resistance, and relaxes me until I begin to fully embrace the inevitable. My negativity recedes somewhat and I begin to look forward to the good things that will happen soon.

I’ve begun counting the days when my kids will be home from Sydney. As a parent with grownup kids who have their own lives, these opportunities for togetherness are becoming fewer and far between. I am looking forward to long conversations during meals, lots of laughter, and a short vacation for some good family bonding.

Lydia’s sister in the US, her kids with their spouses and children, will also be coming home and staying with us. That should be a lot of fun, too.

There will be a lot of kids in the house. Aside from my grandchild Ananda and Lydia’s relatives, my siblings, their children and grandchildren will be here for Noche Buena. That’s a big, loud fun party right there.

I have decided to bring back some of the lost spirit of Christmas. There is a beautiful passage from Dr. Seuss that touched the Grinch in me, which goes, “‘What if Christmas,’ he (the Grinch) thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more?’”

Indeed.

I don’t need to be swept away by the forced “glee” that commercialism imposes on everyone. Instead, I will be attending Simbang Gabi as often as I can. I will also try to be more pleasant and kinder to everyone. I will soak in all the family love. I remember fun Christmases in the past that had little to do with the gifts I received, Christmases that were all about giving not only material gifts but more of my time and effort. It was what people did to make the season merry and meaningful.

Lydia and the household help prepare very early for the holidays. I often complain about how stressed she gets, and how all the preparations leave everyone too tired to enjoy Christmas when it finally comes. But the holidays are special precisely because of their efforts. They are like Santa’s mythical elves who make sure Christmas is wonderful.

Our Christmas tree is decorated with paper flowers Lydia made while praying for friends and family who need it. We can honestly say our tree is bedecked with prayers! I must take the time to appreciate all that.

Lydia takes Christmas very seriously in both its outer and inner meaning. As much as she dresses up the house and plans the parties and gift-giving, she makes sure we light up the advent candles and gets everyone to pray around the advent wreath. She also donates her resources to a charity that helps make Christmas special for a few needy people.

I must stop looking at this season as an ordeal that must be overcome. I must adopt a positive state of mind and be open to what Christmas really means — a decision to live the spirit of love and sharing and bring goodwill to all people — something the world desperately needs.

To paraphrase a Zen saying, the Christmas spirit you will find under the tree and mistletoe and in your belen will, in the end, be the same spirit you brought there.

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HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes (The Philippine Star) | Updated December 14, 2014 – 12:00am

There are many things you learn in school. But there are many more things you learn just by being alive and growing up and maturing. The world and life are great sources of real knowledge and wisdom.

I would like to share a few things that I have learned not through any academic way of learning but through experiences that I treasure in my heart.

1) There are two kinds of truths: Big Truths and little truths. Little truths are things we believe in that eventually turn out to be false. It’s as though they slowly or maybe suddenly reach their expiry dates. We wake up one day and see that they are no longer true. These can be anything we believe in, from Santa Claus to the Tooth Fairy, to more serious “truths” like the earth not being round but flat. We eventually stop believing in these things as we grow older and/or when empirical evidence debunks them.

The Big Truths are things we continue to believe in that serve us and so far have not shown any expiry date. Many of these are religious, scientific or philosophic and paradoxical in nature. But just because they have been true up to now doesn’t mean they will always be true. Will some or most of them eventually become little truths? Only time will tell.

2) Everyone is born naïve and innocent but we will all lose this over time. Like Adam and Eve, everyone is born in Eden but eventually we all get kicked out into the real world. That’s life.

This is quite profound. For some, it may be something as trivial as waking up one day and finding out that there really is no Santa and it was your parents who actually gave you all those gifts. (Sorry, dear innocent readers. For those who didn’t know, I hope this wasn’t too shocking for you.) Or it can be a profound experience like discovering that someone you idealize and look up to falls far short of your expectations. Or it could even be terrible things that happen like the death of someone close, war, physical assault,

3) There is no point in searching for God. It is futile. Instead I go back to a catechism truth taught to me that says “God is everywhere.” How indeed can you search for something that is already here, there and everywhere?

Instead of searching, what we must do is to just awaken to this great truth that God is all over the place and thus cannot possibly be missed. There need not be a search. All you need is to open your eyes and be aware. So let’s drop the delusion of a conceptual God in our minds because it prevents us from experiencing God in the very “here and now” we are in.

There is nothing that isn’t God, which means He/She could be your helper at home, your neighbor, your dog, etc.

4) No matter how evil we think a person is, when we wake up and see his humanity, we see a face of the Divine looking back at us. Does that mean the person is free from any liability or punishment because he carries within him a face of the divine? Not at all. It only means that in the phenomenal world we live in and under its justice system, he may still be served justice but we must still treat him with dignity and compassion.

5) We can easily break down and calculate a person’s value according to his age, assets, his IQ, EQ, looks, educational attainment and his physical capacity to work or produce worldly things. But we have hardly touched the core of who he really is. He is infinitely greater than the sum of all the parts that supposedly comprise him. His potential to be anything he wishes to be can create greater value than we can imagine. In this way, we are all completely open-ended.

6) There is this irony I notice about God and man, and it is this: man relentlessly strives hard to be powerful in all ways to be God-like. And yet God apparently wanted so much to be human that, according to Christian faith, He actually came down from heaven to become like us. Mystics believe that Spirit yearns to express itself as a life form. Indeed, the Word wants to be made flesh.

I know this may sound crazy but I feel that maybe man wishes to own everything to feel like God, while God made everything and everyone so He/She can experience what it’s like to be everyone and everything.

7) In nature and in everything that evolves, the direction is always towards differentiation. Nature abhors monolithic thinking. It likes diversity. Nature expresses itself as different races, sexes, species, life forms, styles, processes, etc. The job of the poets, artists and the spiritually inclined is to find the unity that makes all this diversity an experience of Oneness.

8) One of our saving graces as humans is that while we are trapped in our specific time and place, we are able to experience timelessness through art and through the expression of our passions. When we are doing what we love to do, we become oblivious to the time we spend doing it. It could be hours, or even days before we realize how much time we’ve spent on an activity. It is like we are mortals capable of eternal experiences.

9) A joyful, cheerful, happy person is better company and a lot more fun to be with than those who are intelligent, witty and cruel. Personally, I would rather be with someone like the late Juan Flavier than, say, someone like Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

10) Here is something I learned from my sister Lory. If a cat does not like you, it repeatedly moves its tail from left to right or vice-versa. If a dog likes you, it wags its tail.

11) There is a basic difference between how men see the world and how women see it. Men like to solve problems. Women like to heal difficult situations. A man may build a house but a woman’s touch transforms it into a home. A man’s wisdom is culled through logic and rationality. A woman also acquires wisdom the same way but will also use her intuition and may even give more weight to that.